frustration

why do we let people influence our thoughts so much?
We could have something set that we want and someone could say or do something, anything and it can change what youve been wanting, or what you think youve been wanting.

its hard to decide. do you do what you want, or do you please the people you love and change your mindset. 

i have a battle going on in my head.
im only going to live once, so do what i want to with the right mind.
or who cares if you only live once, you need to do what you want, and please people at the same time.
but how do yo please people and yourself at the SAME time?
you cant can you?
so what do you do.

if i'll regret not doing it then i should just do it even though its permanent. or just not worry about it. 

i dont know what i want.

actually i do. i want to do it. 
but should i?
should i do it even if it causes problems with the people im taking the opinions from?

what if the people im taking the opinions from arent going to be in life int he future, and i listened to them and i didnt do it, when i shouldve just done it and said screw it im doing it because i want to. 

but i want to make them happy as well as myself. 
 this sucks.  oh well..

on a better note! its my dads birthday! he got a gun from us kiddos and were all going to comedy club tonight and having a good time with the family like we always do. were the kuchers its always a good time (:

FYI i quit drinking. its been super easy. i got soo sick last time i drank and i thought to myself, "was it really worth it?"
and it wasnt. it was stupid, i was miserable. plus its not that great for your health and i need all the help i can get. so i did myself a favor and stopped. yyyyaaayyyy

side note; brennan leaves on his mission in 102 days. im going to go crazy when he leaves.. gahhhh i dont want him to go , but i know he wants to go supa bad.. he's just going to get letters from me throughout the whole 2 years. its fiiiiiine (:

Kims coming to visit me for my birthday. i cant wait. im soo stoked. i miss her like crazy. all i need is my kimmy and its all better. i love her. shes seriously the best person i know. she has gone through so much and still keeps her head held high. shes truly an inspiration to me, to everyone she meets she puts a smile on their faces. i love her. 

welll  this was longer then in was anticipating, ooohh welll. BYYYEEEEE